Out of Line
There was a big sale at the electronics superstore. People queued up outside at 5 a.m. at about 7.30, there was a huge commotion when a short guy in khaki pants tried working his way to the front of the line. He did not get very far before the mob grabbed him, wrestled him out of line, and threw him into the carpark. The little guy got up, brushed himself off, and tried again. He was barely able to take another step before an even bigger mob attacked him and threw him out of the line again. Undeterred, the guy got up and started limping towards the front of the line a third time.
“Are you crazy?” asked one of the red-faced mob members. “Don’t you know you’re just going to get tossed out of the line again?”
“Yeah, I know,” the man replied.” But if you don’t let me get to the front of the queue, I’ll never be able to open the store.”
Sure Cure
A patient told a psychiatrist that he was convinced there is somebody living under his bed.
“Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit, and you’ll be cured,” the psychiatrist assured him. The price tag was a little steep for the patient, so he said he will think about it. Six months later, the two met on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Because the bartender cured me for only $10.”
“How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
Motor-vation
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.”
He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year.”
Born Without a Filter
My brother recently ran into a woman he had gone to school with many years earlier. After they caught up, she showed him a picture of her daughter.
“Wow,” he said. “She doesn’t look anything like you. She’s pretty.”
Cheaters Never Prosper
Upon finding a clearly plagiarised paper, I called the student into my office. Pointing to my computer screen, I said,” I found your entire paper online. Do you have anything to say about that?”
Her angry response: “Well, I paid my sister to write it, but I didn’t think she’d plagiarise!”
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